I am a loser...
In terms of academics, I think I can handle whatever Berkeley has to throw at me, but in reality, I've got my butt kicked over and over again. It's not just about the procrastination and the many missed lectures and discussions. At the bottom of it all lies the mentality that I have everything under control, that everything will conform to my will. Can you say "arrogant fool?"
Yesterday, I went to take my MCB 150 (Immunology) midterm which counts for 33.3% of my grade in the class. I had weeks (including spring break) to study for this exam, but I kept telling myself that because I did so well on my first one, that the second one would not be a problem. I started studying the day before the midterm, and I studied for a total of 14 hours. My efforts were futile.
I knew how to do only 10% of that midterm and the other 90% I wrote a bunch of garbage. In any examination in my life, I've never felt so helpless, so hopeless. Here was my first F (and if you don't believe me, I'll show you in a matter of a week). Leaving the classroom, I was incredibly bitter and depressed.
The saddest thing, however, was not my failure in the examination, but in what I did afterwards. I grew bitter at God, and for what, I really don't know. But in my illogical mind, it was logical to blame God. That day, many things of the past resurfaced. So many bad words emerged in my head and out of my mouth during and after the examination. You think I'm lazy now? Yesterday, I decided to just waste the whole day sleeping and doing absolutely nothing. In doing so, I shirked many responsibilites (i.e. small group). I was so lazy that I didn't even eat. The whole day, all I ate was a slice of pizza, a trail mix bar, and a can of soda. Now that's sad...
Good thing that today's a new day...
In terms of academics, I think I can handle whatever Berkeley has to throw at me, but in reality, I've got my butt kicked over and over again. It's not just about the procrastination and the many missed lectures and discussions. At the bottom of it all lies the mentality that I have everything under control, that everything will conform to my will. Can you say "arrogant fool?"
Yesterday, I went to take my MCB 150 (Immunology) midterm which counts for 33.3% of my grade in the class. I had weeks (including spring break) to study for this exam, but I kept telling myself that because I did so well on my first one, that the second one would not be a problem. I started studying the day before the midterm, and I studied for a total of 14 hours. My efforts were futile.
I knew how to do only 10% of that midterm and the other 90% I wrote a bunch of garbage. In any examination in my life, I've never felt so helpless, so hopeless. Here was my first F (and if you don't believe me, I'll show you in a matter of a week). Leaving the classroom, I was incredibly bitter and depressed.
The saddest thing, however, was not my failure in the examination, but in what I did afterwards. I grew bitter at God, and for what, I really don't know. But in my illogical mind, it was logical to blame God. That day, many things of the past resurfaced. So many bad words emerged in my head and out of my mouth during and after the examination. You think I'm lazy now? Yesterday, I decided to just waste the whole day sleeping and doing absolutely nothing. In doing so, I shirked many responsibilites (i.e. small group). I was so lazy that I didn't even eat. The whole day, all I ate was a slice of pizza, a trail mix bar, and a can of soda. Now that's sad...
Good thing that today's a new day...
